the (not so) beautiful 1st world

mcdonalds ........ check

KFC .................. check

pizza hut .......... check

dominos ........... check

subway ............ check

burger king ...



this is no lie my lovely readers. hungry jacks is the australian version of burger king. why make your life hard? just call it what it is... i dont get it but i know i feel cheated... if this was the third world theyd think of some better name surely...

koruption king

hungry arabs

Zar of burgers

avtomat kalashnikova king

machete burgers

pirate king

terrorist monarchy

wedontgiveafuck burgers

no pork please burgers

... and shit like that...

/fast food/, /burger king/, restaurants, australia, random

no comment

ramsey man!
cant believe your ass hasnt posted yet!

filthy ass arab

i heart steve

as many of you may or may not know i am soon going to be attending college in sydney, australia. tonight (technically tomorrow morning 1am) i am flying to sydney. i am just writing this post to let you all (my dear readers) know that for a while i will not be posting since i will be settling in my new place of residence. i am also informing/alerting you that this means you will only have to rely on ramsey posting...basically what i am trying to say is that you shouldnt give up on our site just yet but you should come back maybe in 2-3 weeks and check, who knows maybe you will be pleasantly surpised by a ramsey post.

then again you might not.

im also writing this post just to tell all my friends that i love all you guys so much and that hopefully i will see you all in the near future. everybody from poland to beirut i love you all. i am starting a new life and admitingly i am scared but thats how it is. to all our readers (basically our loser high school friends and my sisters) thank you all for reading our worthless posts and actually commenting. although your comments were just as worthless as the posts i still thank you all. ramsey...we're genius and we're getting that show real soon. we have to start somewhere and this site is it. oh and every once in a while try and post man. and not like put up one picture and not say shit (for an example see post 'owl') but actually put some effort into it.

once again thank you all for visiting this site and exceeding mine and ramsey's expectations for how well it is doing...i dont think the last sentence was grammatically correct but blogger doesnt have grammar check so i could give a fuck-less.

i am moving to australia now. after living most of my life in the middle east a part of me will always be there, i will always have a soft spot for it. in a way we will always be one...ok im not that cheezy but seriously i just want to say thank you all for the good (and the bad) times especially in beirut. i made many many friends there who i know i will keep in touch with. the real world is the third world. thank you for everything.

im off to my new life now...

third world. i salute you.

strike any key to continue...

what a king.

owl

i love the internet

squinting with disgust

thats me:
reading the math jokes.
reading ramseys posts.
watching curling.
discovering ear candeling.
looking at sloths.
...just looking at the universe...

math jokes

-Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE

-Q:What is a dilemma?
A: A lemma that proves two results.

-Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
A: Moebius Dick.

-Q: What is the area of a circle?
A: pi R^2?
R: Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.

-Q: What's a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

-Was General Calculus a Roman war hero?

-"What's your favorite thing about mathematics?" "Knot theory." "Yeah, me neither."

-A geometer went to the beach to catch the rays and became a TanGent.

math jokes are never funny.
they make me squint with disgust.

alive and punching

hello friends and otherwise

although you probably didnt miss me, im back and confirming that i am not dead (whos pissing on dreams now, oleg?) ive simply been knee deep in engineering shit for the past while...turns out this shits hard...

i saw this in mechanics class the other day. we were studying tension (T) applied at an angle, on a cable called 'a'. so the professor called the tension ...nothing too wild here.

then, to calculate the horizontal component, he multiplied by the cosine of the angle. makes sense, right?

my friend leaned over and whispered 'Hey, Tacos.'

i laughed at finding mexican food in mechanics calculations, and i cried at how sad my life has become...

jumpin' jack

what a stupendous name.

i know a jack didnt create it. i just know this. some loser gym teacher thought it was smart how the J in jumpin is the same as the J in jack.

genius befalls us ladies and gentlemen.

thats just not cool

hes not a mule people! leave him alooooone!

are you giving him a piercing?! cuz i swear thats not sexy!

...the worse fuckin fashion tips...

oh my stomach feels heavy.

oh im gonna cry...

(he'll have a tough ass time thru airport security tho)

wild sweepin'

The winter Olympics are underway so in that spirit I decided to piss on a winter sport. Why? Cuz piss-stained ice looks funny.

I introduce to you…

CURLING

This activity (I refuse to call it a sport) includes marbles, mops and a bunch of Scandinavians. The purpose of this “sport” is to put as many stones as you can in the middle of a circle drawn on ice.

How thrilling.

This event includes mental stability, precision and athleticism I LIED THERE ARE ZERO ATHLETES. If you call marbles sliding on ice an exercise then you are an obese individual.

Don’t question your vision. Don’t call the local operator, for you see right; Those are actual grown men sweeping. Its part of the “sport.” They are the sweepers, they sweep the path the stone goes along to lower the friction between ice and stone so it could go faster. Why doesn’t the thrower just throw the stone faster? Cuz men need an excuse to mop the floor.

Fuckin sport my ass.

When ones asked about ones profession does one proudly say sweeper? i SWEEP for a living, but no. I am nor Indian nor a maid but hey! I like to fuckin sweep floors and air it on tv and trick everyone into thinking it’s a sport.

im an athlete.

YOURE A LIAR!

Its nothing to be proud of. You don’t tell your son his daddys a sweeper. You don’t have ‘proud to be sweepin’ bumper stickers on your cars (unless youre Canadian). ‘oh sorry honey cant wash the dishes tonight, im sweepin tomorrow’ u cant do that! they might as well create Extreme Ironing. You iron in the air, under water and on any possible terrain you can imagine! and youre disqualified if you mom does it for you.

I hate the universe.

An average game of curling lasts about 2:30 hours. Whyyyyyyy would you pay money to watch marbles slide across ice for 3 hours?! Whyyyyyy would you pay money to watch grown ass men sweep that ice?!...for three hours. For those three hours I can make booger art on a wall. And whoever invented this sport, it is my desire to proclaim you dead.

Oh and if you use foul language the commission suspends you.

?!?!?!

Whats a sport without a little language!?!?! Golf. And now curling.

Curling. CURLING. Where do you curl? in what part of the sport does ‘curling’ occur? I understand basketball, u have a ball and a hoop that resembles a basket. Football, u have a ball and u strike it with your foot. ITS SELF EXPLANATORY. Curling, you curl…things. NO U DONT. u let things sliiiiiide then wipe the floor…like a little bitch.

Visit curlingbasics.com they show you animations of how curling is played.

How exhilarating.

I don’t like the universe much.

Tags: olympics, /winter olympics/, sweeping, sports, random

St. Valentines Day Massacre

ramsey is single.

im single.

......

its a stupid holiday anyway

oh yes

the Yugo is a serbian manufactured vehicle. its a fiat but not. its made by Zastava (meaning flag) which is another serbian vehicle manufacturing company except they also build weapons.

badass

i was gonna make this another ‘the beautiful 3rd world’ but im violently proud of these products.

oh but yes ramsey i know you desire it.

you dream it.

Tags: yugo, zastava, cars, F1, speed, random

EWR Breaking News: Mohammed Cartoon

TEHRAN - Fon, the Muslim cartoon, was surprisingly found attending the super bowl last week. when asked about this he said “Web 2.0 is the way to go.” Officials later confirmed that Fon was indeed on a drug called Jyllands-posten Mohammed which is known for its side effects: brain damage and Muslim riots.

Fon’s associate in the cartoon business, Krugle, was reached for comment:

“it’s a true tragedy what happened to my friend Fon. We all knew he was struggling but never did it occur to us that he was on such a drug. I will pray for him and the 30 boxes he owns” he later added, “yaba daba doo!” then rapidly ran off.

Much to our surprise Fon had been taking this drug for many years now and has developed a new best friend who goes by the name of John Tierney, experts say that this friend is no doubt imaginary. According to Gabriela Monteiro “ a lethal chemical substance called cocomment in the drug caused Fon to go schizophrenic.” She then added “du bist Deutschland” and crashed a Danish embassy.

John Tierney could not be reached for comment.

The Blogger Committee of the International School held a conference through Gmail Chat and pointed all the blame at NSA (National Syringe Association) for allowing this lethal drug to spread in the streets. When reached for comment the NSA calmly stated that “Rolling Stones…like…nipples…sometimes…”

Blogger did not know what to make of this.

Seeing as Heise, the annual ritual for urine, is in a couple of days, questions arise: will Fon attend it? Will he give us another surprise? Will he draw Mohammed Cartoons? Will he make a demo tape?

Only time will tell.

- You heard it here first from Empty White Room

Tags: Islam, web2.0, Bush, Gmail, Cartoons, Fon, random

junk mail?

YA? GREAT!

i have nothing to fucking say

beautiful 3rd world #3

theres a mall in beirut called ABC Achrafieh...some of it is underground and has a glass ceiling (at ground level), and at ground level the mall continues and u can look down on the lower levels through the glass...u get what i mean? ya good. i saw this today:

Its a man. on the phone. on the glass ceiling. ~150m from the ground. and when he finished his conversation, he just stepped off and continued on his merry way.

like, why man?

i love this country

-Beirut, Lebanon

P.S.* and to all our brothers and sisters in the 3rd world, send any beautiful 3rd world pictures to aladameh@gmail.com and if theyre worth out time well post them. take the pictures urself, anyone can google "funny picture bosnia", so fuck you. and they must be from the 3rd world, so none of that western europe crap. 1st world just isnt that beautiful...so which countries are cool? if ur in the 3rd world, u know ur in the 3rd world. use ur heads and asses, figure it out. enjoy this task.

* P.S., n a Pointy Scrotum.

the beautiful 3rd world pt.2

i took this picture on my phone while i was in the elevator in Belgrade's international airport.
god i love my country.

'SPRAT' : FLOOR

Belgrade, Serbia

thats it

christians, jews, muslims, most major religions have described some kind of 'end of the world' or judgement day or whatever. u know, wrath of God, dead rising, antichrist...shit really hitting the fan. being the bored species we are, many have tried to predict this demise in one way or another. remember the people holed up in bunkers on January 1, 2000 waiting for the world to implode? hahaha stupid fuckers...

one more bit of background information: those of you who have been reading this blog for a while (basically me) would have noticed that im not a particularly angry person. thats oleg. im usually calm and resolved and not to get too angry, u know? lifes good.

this was an exception.

this was bad. a very very bad thing.

i found...

HICK HOP

why.

just why, thats all i want to know.

i want to know WHY the fuck this exists.

WHY IS THIS LEGAL?! HOW CAN THEY LET PEOPLE PUBLISH THIS KIND OF ITEM AND THEN PUT IT IN STORES FOR GOOD MEN AND WOMEN TO PURCHASE?!?!?!?!!?!?!? I DONT EVEN WANT TO IMAGINE THEM *LISTENING* TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!

im better.

what is 'Hick Hop,' you may ask? well, other than HELL'S INFLAMED NIPPLES ON A CD, its supposed to be a blend of country music with rap. country rap. crap. coincidence? you decide.

they rap about hick-topics, like racing against trains and impregnating sisters. NOT wholesome stuff. they play country instruments, like the banjo and that stooopid ass jug that you blow into (you know what i mean) to hip-hop beats. sound bad? STOP TRYING, YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF IMAGINIG.

thats it. game over. the world is ending. no im serious, stop laughing, im not being cute. the world is coming to and end. if youre a believer, repent ur sins. if ur not, convert. stop smiling, im building a bunker.

the 'leader' of this GODLESS revolution is a gentleman named 'Cowboy Troy.'




I LIED TO YOU HE IS NEITHER GENTLE NOR A MAN I HATE HIM SO.
they ran out of things to say in songs along time ago (it was inevitable, ive done the math), so recently its been all "my car is so P-I-M-P-E-D" or "my chick is so H-O-T" or "i miss you so M-U-C-H" or some generic shit. fine. ive adapted. but now they're running out of ways to sing shitty lyrics?!!? they have to start mixing and matching genres to get their phallic* ideas out?!?!?! whats next? death metal/reggae? church gospel/trance? electro-funk/polka?? these are not good ideas.

i make it a policy of my life never to comment/judge/stroke/evaluate anything without firsthand knowledge of it. so i decided to visit Commander Troy's website. i am a doomed man.

http://www.cowboytroy.com/

abandon all hope, yee who enter there.

wow.

i really have zero hope in mankind. i always had very very little, ESPECIALLY with the shit we run into and publish on this site (ear candling?!?! come the fuck on...) but this is it. this is the straw that broke the camels back. its more of a sledgehammer, actually, that brutally destroyed the camel and his friends and colleagues. the world is ending. youll see.

oleg wanted me to mention that hes emotionally torn apart by the idea of hick hop. so i mentioned it.

stupid ass troy. ruined a perfectly good movie. fucker.


*phallic: adj, of or relating to the penis.

Tags: Entertainment (what a lie), Music, armageddon, troy

oh the horror!

OH NO!

BUT OH NOOOOOO!

(i know the indian man is second guessing god's plan right about now)

Chuck for President

i got thee funniest site for you. i read this last night and i laughed out loud. out LOOOUUUD. i dont do that too often. the site is all about chuck norris. hahahahahahaha. sorry. it lists facts for why chuck is the biggest badass the world has ever seen. now as unappealing as that sounds just trust me, go check it out and if u dont like the first page then leave and never visit our site again...matter of fact i offer my ass to you. but trust me, you wont regret it.

here are some of the facts...enjoy...


- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

- Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html

what a king

(give props to my man Ass, thanks for the hook up dawg. KraKalaKsmaK)

Tags: /chuck norris/, facts, God, badass, entertainment, film, roundhouse, orange, random