Wednesday, July 02, 2008

fat country

theres cute fat. babies. (fat) albert. koala bears. theres he-has-way-too-much-energy -for-that fat. steve irwin. jack black.

and then... fat. whale. ship. island. planet. im so fat i cant move out of bed fat. im so fat when i move daryl hall's 'maneater' plays fat. oh oh here she comes, watch out boy she'll chew you up. yeh. shit just got real.

well. its nasty. but the point is... australia just got gold in fattest people in the world. america is down but they are planning a comeback. we need to put them all in one boat and blow em all to hell. and put britain in there. with france and spain and portugal and luxembourg and belgium and sweden denmark norway finland poland germany slovenia turkey greece italy austria switzerland canada australia america.

and syria cyprus. oh holland i almost forgot holland. dont forget holland. lichetenstein bulgaria ROMANIA oh maaaaan i almost forgot. rooooomania. nasty. macedonia.

ooh and israel. put those bitches in there. oh and you can put georgia and jordan in there the two coincident countries. oh and chile. something about them... the rest are alright down there but chile. i dont know. oh and jamaica bob marley is overated. oh and iceland and greenland. nobody knows you exist.

and if you can think of some more, hit me up.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

back in town

hello party people,

if you stumble upon this blog and decide to read it just so you could find some farthead crapping on about the universe or some sort of social commentary on the immoral's in japan's whaling or the politics of feminism in today's western cultures (i can keep going) you have come to the wrong place and are officially lost. but if you read this blog and nothing in it sets off an intelectual spark or stimulates your brain muscles but merely gives you a little (yet satisfying) chuckle then you've come to the right spot and are welcome to stay...

welcome to the place where irrelevant is a delight.

welcome to emptywhiteroom where everything is as white as it is empty.

re-launching soon...

Friday, January 12, 2007


I hate.

Reasons to hate james blunt:

1- his last name
2- falsetto
3- blunt usually describes an object (hes a tool)
4- he jumped ass naked into freezing water
5- he was in the british military in kosovo (true story people)
6- hes british...eats vegimite, says 'tootles' as a substitution for goodbye, has bad teeth (i know this), says 'bloody' instead of fuckin, eats and likes fruitcakes
7- resembles a sloth

so there you have it…reasons to hate him. I haven’t done these in a while…man im lovin it. Yes, like mcdonalds. James beetie must die...or just dissapear for a longlong time.

Tags: , , , , .

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

high five for the internet

Whatsup gang!?

no I don’t know what that’s about…ANYWAY, check out these sites. My main man Ass hooked me up with these, KraKalaKsmaK dawg…

Ok. I know not many people read this useless blog but this shits funny. Before you think ‘but nothing you do is funny’ sit it on it ho ramsey n I are kings AND this shit is golden… its cybersex gone wrong, a guy screws with people… its really funny trust me. Nothing you should hide from your parents, theres nothing too wrong/perverted on it… ch-ch-check it out…

if you haven’t realized it’s the same site just different pages… the first and third (the red ones) are the best… give it a chance! Enjoy mothafuckas

Tags: , , , , .

Thursday, January 04, 2007

JESC 2006

Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2006.

For anyone who has even heard of eurovision know that it is painful to watch. Europeans dont get far in the international music industry (Americans kinda dominate it) SO, they make eurovision: European singers battling it out on the stage. Its countries from all over Europe and if you don’t speak a good 36 languages then the show is boring…well, it’s huge (bombastic, may I say) in Europe.

Thanks to tara, i was informed of a JUNIOIR eurovision contest, held last year in Bucharest, Romania (already a bad start). You know how im usually pissed? passionate about the idiot in the universe?…well, I attacked this with calm.

I clicked on ‘history’ on (.tv? cmon. That’s worse than org and net) just to see what genius came up with this and I got…

It's a time machine!

Oops, you just entered the Junior Eurovision Song Contest time machine! Remember the first ever Junior Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen, in 2003?

first of all why so excited spunky (dare I say zany)? Second, Im not in a time machine and no I don’t remember Copenhagen 2003. no I don’t. it continues…

Did you see Lillehammer 2004 on television, or did you celebrate last year's competition in Hasselt?

im sorry what? Can you repeat yourself?


MC hammer? Lil’ hammer? Is that a contestant? I let lil’ bow wow pass but lil hammer? No. he will hang with santa. if it’s a city then I don’t want to research it…im afraid it might be located in Luxembourg (Romania last year, Copenhagen before that…the odds are great) and I don’t want to get depressed/angry/start using italics…

Meet pedro from Portugal (note the double use of plosive p, its genius). Hes a contestant. And an infant. I have a problem with pre-pubescent boys singing. Never liked em. Sclub7 kids or whatever…disappeared. Why? Read the end of post ‘im good.’

The genius who created this universal (European) curse? I don’t know. Probably the same motherfu…sorry. Probably the same homo erectus who created jim’s gym or wok on inn…

The universe is what? An idiot. That’s right. And I what? Hate it. Ramsey we need to conquer the world as soon as possible…people need our help.

Oh if you were wondering who the winner was…Former Yugoslav Replublic of Macedonia. First of all, any product of Macedonia is not quality second of all Greece should get over it and give them their name back…that’s a different story tho.

Im gonna go now. Im calm. Lookin forward to next year, maybe we’ll see lil wham (im not putting the exclamation mark)…

‘We’re bringin eighties back. YEP. them mothafuckas don’t know how to act. YEP…’

Tags: , , , , ,, , .

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

People who sing

One more thing. This has always bothered me, and maybe you will agree (by you I mean, of course, one of our many many readers):

People who can sing think everyone else should be able to sing too, and are offended when they cannot.

Right? I have a lot of friends who can sing, choir and all that, and my sister sings as well. But many of them, many of them, honestly beleive that singing is perfectly natural and that if you are among the 80% of human beings who can't sing, there something wrong with you. The basic conversation goes something like this:

"You have vocal chords dont you? Thats all you need to sing!"
You have legs, can you break dance!? Yeah, I have vocal chords to talk and sometimes make funny noises, but that's about it, chick.

"Singing is natural, everyone sings!"
This one is just a lie. Singing is great, I'm a big fan, but not everyone sings. examples of people who probably don't sing: the president of iran, gahndi (he is dead), the pope, accountants, characters from star wars movies, the list goes on...

"Its not as hard as you think, if you audition I'm sure you can get into the choir!"
Maybe, friend (the italics shows strain), but I do not desire (there is is again) to be a member (veins are popping out of my neck) of the choir. Please leave me alone and stop tugging on my sleeve.

"Ok, just try it!"
Fine! "la la La LA LA!!"

"Wow. That was really off key"
I don't know what that means.

"Oh my God!! How do you not know what key is?!" (as if I'm half a man for not knowing)
A key is something that opens a door. Go home.

They assume shit like arpeggios are common knowlege. Its not right. Back me up on this one, oleg.

Tag: , , , ,

Sleepless ramblings from a newspaper office

First things first. Just in case you didnt beleive oleg about the santa thing, heres proof:

there you go. cartoonographic evidence. serbs dont fuck around.

Ok. So my "vacation" is over. i put it in quotes and italics because its "supposed" to be a real vacation. Standard Christmas, New Year, Eid al-Adha (muslims only) and Armenian Christmas, and we only get a week and a half? 1.5 weeks? come on guys...Between shopping for gifts, hiding them under a plant, staying up at a friends house for fireworks and Micheal Jackson impersonations and killing a sheep, theres no time for the important stuff like...nevermind, i mentioned Micheal Jackson.

Ok. So I'm supposed to have class today at 8:00am, a bitch, I know. So I struggle, having slept ~1 hour, into my clothes and drive to school, only to find the door locked and the class canceled. I love the...what? That's right. Universe. So here I am in the student newspaper office, posting on emptywhiteroom. At least its a noble cause.

Ok. So I want to/will post more often. That's my promise/resolution for 2007. Me/my sister have stockpiled a lot of "Beautiful 3rd World" pictures that need to go up, among other things.

Oleg, we need to see Borat's movie and review it here. He represents the 3rd world, and is almost as king as we are. But not quite. Not quite.

Anything else? No. Thats it I guess. Next time, I might be more awake.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

im good

hey ramsey, wassup man. did you realize how no one really reads the site? hahahahahaha i find it hilarious (i cry at night). BUT, im good with it. i can keep posting...its just for us cool with posting as long as you are...i could have sent you a message on facebook BUT i figured id do it in styyyyyle.

oh and to the reader, the reason you didnt get what you wanted this christmas is cuz i shot santa...the slut didnt wanna come to third world countries. he was flyin over. i popped him. hes on my wall now.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

olegs (and ramseys) christmas wishlist

Tis the season to be jolly. Lalalalala lalala la. Now how many kids/people do you know that said lalalalalalalalalalala in the middle of town when they were jolly? Not many no. in fact, none probably. (well unless youre Korean…I don’t know why but it seems like something they would do…read post ‘asians I hate’…)

SO…cut to the chase. Theres no chase sorry, there hasn’t been one since…ever. We fool ourselves…ok. So. I decided to make a Christmas wishlist (no that’s not one word but i do as i please read post ‘return of the king(s)’. Since I don’t get many presents for Christmas (I have no friends/im undeserving) I decided maybe just maybe if I make a wishlist that fat bearded whore will squeeze through my chimney and give me some. Afterall we all need some…ramsey is in Beirut looking for helicopters im in Sydney tryin to be an actor…none of this is very promising people so we try our hand at luck…

Watch us fail…

Oleg’s Christmas Wishlist

1- world peace
2- wings
3- proper pair of underwear
4- death to the first world
5- kiwis (no not new zealand, theyre dead (read # 4). I like to eat kiwis, fruit).
6- a country named after ramsey and me…we are third world kings. Like a country we could throw away. luxembourg (I will never capitalize your first letter).

Ramsey’s Christmas Wishlist

1- he’s muslim, hes immediately disqualified. No fat bearded man for you ramsey (unless his name is mo, in which case its all good).
2- Oh and he wants a girlfriend (wishful thinking that hits him every once in a while…but then he gets over it).

So there you have it. The Christmas wishlist. I know you expected more but in return you just got sheer disappointment. Welcome to EmptyWhiteRoom, god its good to be back. The disappointment never ends. Happy Christmas people. And tell your mom shes fat.

Tags: , , , , , .

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A War Story

My internet it being funny (not "hahaha Will Farrel is so funny" funny, rather the "[squint with disgust] my closet smells funny" funny), and is not letting me upload images, so I can't give you all a new "beautiful 3rd world" picture...

But don't go away yet! (our web stats say you're probably gone already) Instead, let me enchant you with a story...a story that kicks Homo Potters's ass.

It's something funny that happened during the war.

Before I start, I would like to say that is the fastest, craziest news site imaginable. I'm serious...go now, there'll be a "Breaking News" post called "Reader follows link on" They are on the ball.

Just so everyone's clear the war im talking about is the June War, the Sixth War, the Hezballah War, the Israeli Offensive, whatever you want to call it, the shit that went down in the summer. I'm Lebanese and I'm being bombed by Israelis. Does that set the stage? Good. Isn't oversimplification fun?

Ok. So I'm in my house in my mountain village, as a displaced person, right? Its late-ish and my family is talking politics etc etc. All of the sudden, we hear helicopters over head. (the fact that helicopters is plural should identify that they're not Lebanese)


The thing about helicopters is no matter how loud they are (the sounded like they were going to land on my roof, I fucking made them tea just in case), you never see SHIT. Very scary...Anyway, they were passing through, I guessed to the Bekka Valley (which makes sense geographically, since my village is between the sea and the valley, and militarily since the Bekka is one of Hezballah's strongholds), and to be sure I wired up my completely SHIT internet connection and hoped for a dial tone. When I got one I checked Sure enough...

Israeli Commandos Attempt Landing in Lebanon's Bekka Valley

"Shit is about to get crazy in the Bekka," I thought to myself. The Hezb isn't too big on defeat, and the Israelis are dropping HUMMERS FROM THE SKY. But what can you do? I poured myself a glass of milk and returned to my family.

After an hour of silence, we hear much much more helicopters.


They shook the fucking windows of our house. It woke up whoever was sleeping and we all rushed to the roof try, in vain, to see them. They were moving in the same direction as the last few, but in a much bigger number.

I sprint to computer and to see what's going down. A few lines down from the first story was the new one.

Israeli Commandos Conduct Evacuation After Failed Bekka Landing

Invincible army my ass. Fly home motherfuckers! 3rd world wins again!

tags: , , , ,

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Return of the King(s)

Despite the rumors that I had been killed fighting in the war, despite the papers reporting that Oleg was slain avenging the Great Steve Irwin down under, despite the filthy lies that we had both "grown up," despite all this lunacy, here we are.

I suppose you want a quick status update. Well, Oleg is still studying acting, and I am well on my way to becoming a professional computer geek (shut up, i make more money than your dad). My picture remains posted on the wikipedia article for single, requiring me to buy faster and faster internet to keep up with my......needs.

What do we have in store for you, our (most probably unemployed) reader? More beautiful 3rd world pictures, more reviews of the universe, and much much less useful content.

Remember, this room is as White as it is Empty

Thursday, December 14, 2006

back in business

yes thats right. back in business like t-rex and the gang. what you mean you dont know t-rex? reader please!

well its not about damn t rex. ramsey and i are back, thats right back in the bloggin' game. i think by now we lost all our half-regular readers SO chances are no one really gives a shit cuz you reading this is probably a techie geek surfin through blogs (cuz thats all you do for fun) and you just happen to come across this one, well if youre readin this...please stay. enjoy our pointless blog and boost our and comment every once in a while, show us that you care. and if not...

your mother is fat.

read our blog. ramsey and oleg are back in business.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

asians i hate

im sitting in an internet cafe with a bunch of asian motherfuckers screaming. if you ever wanna get stressed out of your face visit a place of asian neeeerds.

why are they screaming? cuz theyre playing warcraft. or some shit. its not even screaming its squealing.

i hate so many things...this is one of them...

(one guy just said 'no money! nooooo moneeeeeeeeeee! wa! no moneeeee!' (whats wrong with you man!??!?!))

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

i love the universe sometimes

my sister got this email that went by the subject of STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL/URGENT ASSISTANCE NEEDED. yeeeeeh. i thought i would post it because...oh well. just to waste your valuable time and perhaps entertain you...or not whatever. i could comment on this email but... whatever...

sometimes the universe brings great things to our lives...

Dear Friend,

               Confidencial and top secret
I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise. I am the bill and exchange manager in Bank of Africa. I Hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that i am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families.

We need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of $11.3million immediately to your account.The money has been dormant for may years in our Bank here without any body coming for it.

We want to release the money to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer(the owner of the account)who died a long with his supposed next of kin in an air crash since July 2000.

We don't want the money to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned fund. So this is the reason why i contacted you, so that my bank will release the money to you as the nearest person to the deceased cutomer.

Please we would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete if you are not interested.

Upon receipt of your reply, i will send you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you will have 25% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to transact the business with us.

MR TAREK OMARBank Of Africa,Burkina Faso-West Africa

im sorry i must laugh at BANK OF AFRICA



tags: , , , ,

Sunday, July 23, 2006

the (not so) beautiful 1st world #2

its not cigarette BUDS?


-sydney, australia

Thursday, July 20, 2006


my girlfriend sent me this picture

love at first sight people

Sunday, July 16, 2006

from an embattled lebanon

this is bull shit.

this site is funny and lighthearted most of the time, but im going to get serious for a moment. my country is under attack with me inside it, and this is what i have to say.

i dont know what western media is saying, and frankly i dont care. probably all lies anyway, but here are the facts on the ground, no media no nothing. i live here and im seeing this with my own eyes.

hezballah captured two soldiers in israeli territory. not cool, i (and a lot banon) completley disagree with what hezballah did and would not blame israel for clashing with hezballah to return the soldiers. but...

israel is bombing my country into dust. children have nothing to eat. innocent people are dying. cnn wont tell/show you this, but its all true. i hear the planes over head, i see the bombs fall and the people scatter. we left our house in beirut and headed, quite litterally, for the hills to be safer. i am now a displaced person. how, is all i ask, does this help israel get its two soldiers back? i guess the fact that i cant see my friends or go to school victory in the war on terrorsim. and the airport. lebanon's only civilian airport is being bombed out of existence. and for what? anyone who beleives the excuse that israel doesnt want the hostages flown our of lebanon is blind beyond hope. theyve knocked out bridges, our light house, all our ports, hit people's houses directly, bombed convoys of escaping cars, and crippled lebanon's economy as much as possible. war on terror? resolution 1559? two soldiers? which noble mission does this help?

another interesting point. till now, 5 days into this self defence mission, not a single hezballah military target has been hit. not one. and israel knows more about hezballah's positions than hezballah does. so why start with the bridges and the peoples houses before you bomb the people who are bombing you?

hezballah bombing northern israel: not cool. very wrong and deplorable. i always hold that any attack on civilians is terrorism. but compare the damage done to haifa to the damage done to lebanon. measured response? self defence? these words are loosing meaning...

israel and america seem to have a united front against and speak with one voice when it comes to hezballah. they say that hezballah means to destroy lebanon and that israel will save it from the hezb's grips. wow. i actualy heard a guy say this on tv. israel, the people who made it sport to hunt my countrymen and torture them inhumanely, are here to save us? i am not pro-hezballah in anyway, but the opinion that israel actually cares about human life is laughable to anyone who has seen their operations with their own eyes.

i call on any pro-israeli to contact me through email at or to comment on this site with his answers to these questions. i dont want to argue, i dont want to shout at you. there are bombs falling over my head and i simply want to know how people can see that as justified. help me understand you. sign it. it probably wont do anything, but its a message.

we worked so hard for so long to rebuild this country after the war. so hard. and the zionist war machine is working to erase it all. thank you UN for your balanced world view. thank you america for all the support you give our democracy loving neighbours. thank you syria and iran for fighting a war on our land. thank you hezballah for lettingall of lebanon down. and finnaly, thank you israel for your continued regard to human life, un resolutions and and general boyish charm that makes zionism such a loveable line of thought.

pray for lebanon.

oleg, tag this for me, i dont have time.

Tag: , ,, , , , , , , .

Friday, July 14, 2006

yanyans and stag beetles

yanyan...oh yes. what makes the third world beautiful. we have these in the third world, they are perfectly engineered and a little complicated so try to stay with me...

bread stick. chocolate dip. take bread stick and dip in chocolate. eat and experience heaven.

do you need anything else in life? not really no.

so now you are introduced to the yanyan.

stag beetle...not many of us know what it is.

The stag beetles are a group of about 1,200 species of beetle in the family Lucanidae, the most well-known species being Lucanus cervus, a large beetle found in much of Europe. Some species grow to 8 cm (3.25 in), but usually they are about 5 cm (2 in).

thank you wikipedia, youre a life saver.

ok now you know the two, but why oleg? the two have nothing to do with each other...

pateince my fellows (you can say fellows right? like 'my fellow left me' 'me and my fellow built a jet' i can use it like friends or chaps? i still prefer fellows to chaps)

the reason this isnt another 'the beautiful 3rd world' is because i found (not discovered) the yanyan in a chinese store in sydney. but the ones in sydney are upgraded, yanyan 2.0 for your ass... on each bread stick there is a phrase. possibly a chinese proverb and it all includes animals but the only problem is theyre written in english...

stag beetle love it

go for more panda

dont be timid mouse

snail snail mail?

chick favourite color: yellow

(excuse the horid breadsticks drawings)

the proverbs dont quiet work, no. i just laugh so much everytime i eat them, just thought i would share this loveliness with you. but despite all the dumbass proverbs i still stag beetle love it

love iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Were Back! A Dinosaur's Story

thats sort of a lie.
while its true that me and oleg are back, it is not, in fact, a dinosaur's story...even though that would be interesting. (oleg would be the goofy mother fucker on the left, and id be the badass flying. dont let him tell you different)
quick summary of events? ive left engineering school = more time to self = more downloading porn + posting on emptywhiteroom = yay. oleg, back in his native siberia (coach...its serbia), now has internet = he can post too = he can carry my lazy ass when i forget to update this bitch = yay. thats two yay's people. count them. thats more than any "real" site would ever give you.
expect great things to come. or don't. either way, were back and its on. long live the 3rd world.

the beautiful 3rd world pt.4

this is fuckin great. i got no comment.

- Sri Lanka

(give props to my man Ass, thanks for the hook up homie. KraKalaKsmaK)