A War Story

My internet it being funny (not "hahaha Will Farrel is so funny" funny, rather the "[squint with disgust] my closet smells funny" funny), and is not letting me upload images, so I can't give you all a new "beautiful 3rd world" picture...

But don't go away yet! (our web stats say you're probably gone already) Instead, let me enchant you with a story...a story that kicks Homo Potters's ass.

It's something funny that happened during the war.

Before I start, I would like to say that www.reuters.com is the fastest, craziest news site imaginable. I'm serious...go now, there'll be a "Breaking News" post called "Reader follows link on emptywhiteroom.com" They are on the ball.

Just so everyone's clear the war im talking about is the June War, the Sixth War, the Hezballah War, the Israeli Offensive, whatever you want to call it, the shit that went down in the summer. I'm Lebanese and I'm being bombed by Israelis. Does that set the stage? Good. Isn't oversimplification fun?

Ok. So I'm in my house in my mountain village, as a displaced person, right? Its late-ish and my family is talking politics etc etc. All of the sudden, we hear helicopters over head. (the fact that helicopters is plural should identify that they're not Lebanese)

takatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakataka

The thing about helicopters is no matter how loud they are (the sounded like they were going to land on my roof, I fucking made them tea just in case), you never see SHIT. Very scary...Anyway, they were passing through, I guessed to the Bekka Valley (which makes sense geographically, since my village is between the sea and the valley, and militarily since the Bekka is one of Hezballah's strongholds), and to be sure I wired up my completely SHIT internet connection and hoped for a dial tone. When I got one I checked reuters.com. Sure enough...

Israeli Commandos Attempt Landing in Lebanon's Bekka Valley

"Shit is about to get crazy in the Bekka," I thought to myself. The Hezb isn't too big on defeat, and the Israelis are dropping HUMMERS FROM THE SKY. But what can you do? I poured myself a glass of milk and returned to my family.

After an hour of silence, we hear much much more helicopters.

TAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKA

They shook the fucking windows of our house. It woke up whoever was sleeping and we all rushed to the roof try, in vain, to see them. They were moving in the same direction as the last few, but in a much bigger number.

I sprint to computer and reuters.com to see what's going down. A few lines down from the first story was the new one.

Israeli Commandos Conduct Evacuation After Failed Bekka Landing

Invincible army my ass. Fly home motherfuckers! 3rd world wins again!

tags: war, lebanon, israel, helicopter, reuters