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what a king.

owl

i love the internet

squinting with disgust

thats me:
reading the math jokes.
reading ramseys posts.
watching curling.
discovering ear candeling.
looking at sloths.
...just looking at the universe...

math jokes

-Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE

-Q:What is a dilemma?
A: A lemma that proves two results.

-Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
A: Moebius Dick.

-Q: What is the area of a circle?
A: pi R^2?
R: Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.

-Q: What's a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

-Was General Calculus a Roman war hero?

-"What's your favorite thing about mathematics?" "Knot theory." "Yeah, me neither."

-A geometer went to the beach to catch the rays and became a TanGent.

math jokes are never funny.
they make me squint with disgust.

alive and punching

hello friends and otherwise

although you probably didnt miss me, im back and confirming that i am not dead (whos pissing on dreams now, oleg?) ive simply been knee deep in engineering shit for the past while...turns out this shits hard...

i saw this in mechanics class the other day. we were studying tension (T) applied at an angle, on a cable called 'a'. so the professor called the tension ...nothing too wild here.

then, to calculate the horizontal component, he multiplied by the cosine of the angle. makes sense, right?

my friend leaned over and whispered 'Hey, Tacos.'

i laughed at finding mexican food in mechanics calculations, and i cried at how sad my life has become...

jumpin' jack

what a stupendous name.

i know a jack didnt create it. i just know this. some loser gym teacher thought it was smart how the J in jumpin is the same as the J in jack.

genius befalls us ladies and gentlemen.

thats just not cool

hes not a mule people! leave him alooooone!

are you giving him a piercing?! cuz i swear thats not sexy!

...the worse fuckin fashion tips...

oh my stomach feels heavy.

oh im gonna cry...

(he'll have a tough ass time thru airport security tho)

wild sweepin'

The winter Olympics are underway so in that spirit I decided to piss on a winter sport. Why? Cuz piss-stained ice looks funny.

I introduce to you…

CURLING

This activity (I refuse to call it a sport) includes marbles, mops and a bunch of Scandinavians. The purpose of this “sport” is to put as many stones as you can in the middle of a circle drawn on ice.

How thrilling.

This event includes mental stability, precision and athleticism I LIED THERE ARE ZERO ATHLETES. If you call marbles sliding on ice an exercise then you are an obese individual.

Don’t question your vision. Don’t call the local operator, for you see right; Those are actual grown men sweeping. Its part of the “sport.” They are the sweepers, they sweep the path the stone goes along to lower the friction between ice and stone so it could go faster. Why doesn’t the thrower just throw the stone faster? Cuz men need an excuse to mop the floor.

Fuckin sport my ass.

When ones asked about ones profession does one proudly say sweeper? i SWEEP for a living, but no. I am nor Indian nor a maid but hey! I like to fuckin sweep floors and air it on tv and trick everyone into thinking it’s a sport.

im an athlete.

YOURE A LIAR!

Its nothing to be proud of. You don’t tell your son his daddys a sweeper. You don’t have ‘proud to be sweepin’ bumper stickers on your cars (unless youre Canadian). ‘oh sorry honey cant wash the dishes tonight, im sweepin tomorrow’ u cant do that! they might as well create Extreme Ironing. You iron in the air, under water and on any possible terrain you can imagine! and youre disqualified if you mom does it for you.

I hate the universe.

An average game of curling lasts about 2:30 hours. Whyyyyyyy would you pay money to watch marbles slide across ice for 3 hours?! Whyyyyyy would you pay money to watch grown ass men sweep that ice?!...for three hours. For those three hours I can make booger art on a wall. And whoever invented this sport, it is my desire to proclaim you dead.

Oh and if you use foul language the commission suspends you.

?!?!?!

Whats a sport without a little language!?!?! Golf. And now curling.

Curling. CURLING. Where do you curl? in what part of the sport does ‘curling’ occur? I understand basketball, u have a ball and a hoop that resembles a basket. Football, u have a ball and u strike it with your foot. ITS SELF EXPLANATORY. Curling, you curl…things. NO U DONT. u let things sliiiiiide then wipe the floor…like a little bitch.

Visit curlingbasics.com they show you animations of how curling is played.

How exhilarating.

I don’t like the universe much.

Tags: olympics, /winter olympics/, sweeping, sports, random

St. Valentines Day Massacre

ramsey is single.

im single.

......

its a stupid holiday anyway

oh yes

the Yugo is a serbian manufactured vehicle. its a fiat but not. its made by Zastava (meaning flag) which is another serbian vehicle manufacturing company except they also build weapons.

badass

i was gonna make this another ‘the beautiful 3rd world’ but im violently proud of these products.

oh but yes ramsey i know you desire it.

you dream it.

Tags: yugo, zastava, cars, F1, speed, random

EWR Breaking News: Mohammed Cartoon

TEHRAN - Fon, the Muslim cartoon, was surprisingly found attending the super bowl last week. when asked about this he said “Web 2.0 is the way to go.” Officials later confirmed that Fon was indeed on a drug called Jyllands-posten Mohammed which is known for its side effects: brain damage and Muslim riots.

Fon’s associate in the cartoon business, Krugle, was reached for comment:

“it’s a true tragedy what happened to my friend Fon. We all knew he was struggling but never did it occur to us that he was on such a drug. I will pray for him and the 30 boxes he owns” he later added, “yaba daba doo!” then rapidly ran off.

Much to our surprise Fon had been taking this drug for many years now and has developed a new best friend who goes by the name of John Tierney, experts say that this friend is no doubt imaginary. According to Gabriela Monteiro “ a lethal chemical substance called cocomment in the drug caused Fon to go schizophrenic.” She then added “du bist Deutschland” and crashed a Danish embassy.

John Tierney could not be reached for comment.

The Blogger Committee of the International School held a conference through Gmail Chat and pointed all the blame at NSA (National Syringe Association) for allowing this lethal drug to spread in the streets. When reached for comment the NSA calmly stated that “Rolling Stones…like…nipples…sometimes…”

Blogger did not know what to make of this.

Seeing as Heise, the annual ritual for urine, is in a couple of days, questions arise: will Fon attend it? Will he give us another surprise? Will he draw Mohammed Cartoons? Will he make a demo tape?

Only time will tell.

- You heard it here first from Empty White Room

Tags: Islam, web2.0, Bush, Gmail, Cartoons, Fon, random

junk mail?

YA? GREAT!

i have nothing to fucking say

beautiful 3rd world #3

theres a mall in beirut called ABC Achrafieh...some of it is underground and has a glass ceiling (at ground level), and at ground level the mall continues and u can look down on the lower levels through the glass...u get what i mean? ya good. i saw this today:

Its a man. on the phone. on the glass ceiling. ~150m from the ground. and when he finished his conversation, he just stepped off and continued on his merry way.

like, why man?

i love this country

-Beirut, Lebanon

P.S.* and to all our brothers and sisters in the 3rd world, send any beautiful 3rd world pictures to aladameh@gmail.com and if theyre worth out time well post them. take the pictures urself, anyone can google "funny picture bosnia", so fuck you. and they must be from the 3rd world, so none of that western europe crap. 1st world just isnt that beautiful...so which countries are cool? if ur in the 3rd world, u know ur in the 3rd world. use ur heads and asses, figure it out. enjoy this task.

* P.S., n a Pointy Scrotum.

the beautiful 3rd world pt.2

i took this picture on my phone while i was in the elevator in Belgrade's international airport.
god i love my country.

'SPRAT' : FLOOR

Belgrade, Serbia