If you have ever read this blog before, you will know that I do not trust television very much, yet they always seem to find a way to make me trust them less. I was watching hollywood squares the other day, and I saw easily the stupidest thing possible: Alf was center square. this is probably old news to most of you, but i didnt get a memo or anything, so bear with me. alf. what the fuck. i can handle a flamboyant black woman, even a bitter lesbian, but not alf. NEVER alf. this Godless creature deserves to be nowhere but my ass.
Call me a pussy, but that shits scary. my memories of the alf show are very vague, most probably blocked out as trauma. i remember alf in a kitchen talking about eating cats. would you really want alf loose in your house? around your kids? and cats?? come on!! ALF!
by the way alf stands for Alien Life Form........it actually hurts...
as usual, i am not that offended by alf's existence. i accept the fact that God has created sick and twisted people on this earth soley to fuck with me, much like i accept the existence of nazis and zionists. but what kills me is the immense popularity of alf. he was embraced by the american public and made into an icon. from popularity comes merchandise:
Alf Comics:
dont read the word bubbles if you value your sanity. people actually read this. now why would you do that? peoples children asked them "mom, dad, can i have an alf comic?" and people said yes. thats as bad as naming a wheelchair-ridden kid "rider"
"Alf Tales" TV Show:
theres more of him. yup. alf gets a whole alfin' family to play with, complete with two younger siblings and parents. fuck every one of them. and why is it that in cartoons, just wearing a shirt is enough to count as dressed? YOU ARE ALL NAKED. i really dont like the sister, with her hands on her hips like shes some shit. pudgy ass bitch.
Alf Video Game:
This one is painful. i was always a fan of old school games with shit graphics, but this is just...ass. and im not christian or anything, but ISNT WALKING ON WATER RESERVED FOR JESUS CHRIST?!?! ALF IS NOT JESUS. fuck. the quote. hes trying to be whimsically cute. thank God there was no picture of him in a speedo or something...
Alf Plush Toys:
Plush toys have a way of never looking like what theyre supposed to, and this one is no exception. alleged 'toy' above looks more like a cooked chimpanzee fetus than anything else, and is not something i would give to my children. or any children. and ive been known to hurt me some kid.
so there you have it. alf. another piece of stupid from the 80s, and one who haunts us till this day in reruns of hollywood squares.
people complain about islamic terrorism. at least we didnt invent alf.
Tags: alf, /oh no/, /why god, entertainment, television, random
1 comment:
is alf an anteater?..i always wondered..i used to watch it too!..but i also have a vague memory of it. another weird fake animal muppet puppet show (wutever) from the early 90s or something is called unhappily ever after, ever heard of it? i dont understand why they would expect us to believe that these creatures actually exist..
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