Wednesday, December 27, 2006

im good

hey ramsey, wassup man. did you realize how no one really reads the site? hahahahahaha i find it hilarious (i cry at night). BUT, im good with it. i can keep posting...its just for us now...im cool with posting as long as you are...i could have sent you a message on facebook BUT i figured id do it in styyyyyle.

oh and to the reader, the reason you didnt get what you wanted this christmas is cuz i shot santa...the slut didnt wanna come to third world countries. he was flyin over. i popped him. hes on my wall now.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

olegs (and ramseys) christmas wishlist

Tis the season to be jolly. Lalalalala lalala la. Now how many kids/people do you know that said lalalalalalalalalalala in the middle of town when they were jolly? Not many no. in fact, none probably. (well unless youre Korean…I don’t know why but it seems like something they would do…read post ‘asians I hate’…)

SO…cut to the chase. Theres no chase sorry, there hasn’t been one since…ever. We fool ourselves…ok. So. I decided to make a Christmas wishlist (no that’s not one word but i do as i please read post ‘return of the king(s)’. Since I don’t get many presents for Christmas (I have no friends/im undeserving) I decided maybe just maybe if I make a wishlist that fat bearded whore will squeeze through my chimney and give me some. Afterall we all need some…ramsey is in Beirut looking for helicopters im in Sydney tryin to be an actor…none of this is very promising people so we try our hand at luck…

Watch us fail…

Oleg’s Christmas Wishlist

1- world peace
2- wings
3- proper pair of underwear
4- death to the first world
5- kiwis (no not new zealand, theyre dead (read # 4). I like to eat kiwis, fruit).
6- a country named after ramsey and me…we are third world kings. Like a country we could throw away. luxembourg (I will never capitalize your first letter).

Ramsey’s Christmas Wishlist

1- he’s muslim, hes immediately disqualified. No fat bearded man for you ramsey (unless his name is mo, in which case its all good).
2- Oh and he wants a girlfriend (wishful thinking that hits him every once in a while…but then he gets over it).

So there you have it. The Christmas wishlist. I know you expected more but in return you just got sheer disappointment. Welcome to EmptyWhiteRoom, god its good to be back. The disappointment never ends. Happy Christmas people. And tell your mom shes fat.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A War Story

My internet it being funny (not "hahaha Will Farrel is so funny" funny, rather the "[squint with disgust] my closet smells funny" funny), and is not letting me upload images, so I can't give you all a new "beautiful 3rd world" picture...

But don't go away yet! (our web stats say you're probably gone already) Instead, let me enchant you with a story...a story that kicks Homo Potters's ass.

It's something funny that happened during the war.

Before I start, I would like to say that www.reuters.com is the fastest, craziest news site imaginable. I'm serious...go now, there'll be a "Breaking News" post called "Reader follows link on emptywhiteroom.com" They are on the ball.

Just so everyone's clear the war im talking about is the June War, the Sixth War, the Hezballah War, the Israeli Offensive, whatever you want to call it, the shit that went down in the summer. I'm Lebanese and I'm being bombed by Israelis. Does that set the stage? Good. Isn't oversimplification fun?

Ok. So I'm in my house in my mountain village, as a displaced person, right? Its late-ish and my family is talking politics etc etc. All of the sudden, we hear helicopters over head. (the fact that helicopters is plural should identify that they're not Lebanese)

takatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakatakataka

The thing about helicopters is no matter how loud they are (the sounded like they were going to land on my roof, I fucking made them tea just in case), you never see SHIT. Very scary...Anyway, they were passing through, I guessed to the Bekka Valley (which makes sense geographically, since my village is between the sea and the valley, and militarily since the Bekka is one of Hezballah's strongholds), and to be sure I wired up my completely SHIT internet connection and hoped for a dial tone. When I got one I checked reuters.com. Sure enough...

Israeli Commandos Attempt Landing in Lebanon's Bekka Valley

"Shit is about to get crazy in the Bekka," I thought to myself. The Hezb isn't too big on defeat, and the Israelis are dropping HUMMERS FROM THE SKY. But what can you do? I poured myself a glass of milk and returned to my family.

After an hour of silence, we hear much much more helicopters.

TAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKATAKA

They shook the fucking windows of our house. It woke up whoever was sleeping and we all rushed to the roof try, in vain, to see them. They were moving in the same direction as the last few, but in a much bigger number.

I sprint to computer and reuters.com to see what's going down. A few lines down from the first story was the new one.

Israeli Commandos Conduct Evacuation After Failed Bekka Landing

Invincible army my ass. Fly home motherfuckers! 3rd world wins again!

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Sunday, December 17, 2006

Return of the King(s)

Despite the rumors that I had been killed fighting in the war, despite the papers reporting that Oleg was slain avenging the Great Steve Irwin down under, despite the filthy lies that we had both "grown up," despite all this lunacy, here we are.

I suppose you want a quick status update. Well, Oleg is still studying acting, and I am well on my way to becoming a professional computer geek (shut up, i make more money than your dad). My picture remains posted on the wikipedia article for single, requiring me to buy faster and faster internet to keep up with my......needs.

What do we have in store for you, our (most probably unemployed) reader? More beautiful 3rd world pictures, more reviews of the universe, and much much less useful content.

Remember, this room is as White as it is Empty

Thursday, December 14, 2006

back in business



yes thats right. back in business like t-rex and the gang. what you mean you dont know t-rex? reader please!

well its not about damn t rex. ramsey and i are back, thats right back in the bloggin' game. i think by now we lost all our half-regular readers SO chances are no one really gives a shit cuz you reading this is probably a techie geek surfin through blogs (cuz thats all you do for fun) and you just happen to come across this one, well if youre readin this...please stay. enjoy our pointless blog and boost our statcounter.com and comment every once in a while, show us that you care. and if not...

your mother is fat.

read our blog. ramsey and oleg are back in business.