james

I hate.

Reasons to hate james blunt:

1- his last name
2- falsetto
3- blunt usually describes an object (hes a tool)
4- he jumped ass naked into freezing water
5- he was in the british military in kosovo (true story people)
6- hes british...eats vegimite, says 'tootles' as a substitution for goodbye, has bad teeth (i know this), says 'bloody' instead of fuckin, eats and likes fruitcakes
7- resembles a sloth


so there you have it…reasons to hate him. I haven’t done these in a while…man im lovin it. Yes, like mcdonalds. James beetie must die...or just dissapear for a longlong time.


Tags: james blunt, entertainment, music, critics, random.

high five for the internet

Whatsup gang!?

no I don’t know what that’s about…ANYWAY, check out these sites. My main man Ass hooked me up with these, KraKalaKsmaK dawg…

Ok. I know not many people read this useless blog but this shits funny. Before you think ‘but nothing you do is funny’ sit it on it ho ramsey n I are kings AND this shit is golden… its cybersex gone wrong, a guy screws with people… its really funny trust me. Nothing you should hide from your parents, theres nothing too wrong/perverted on it… ch-ch-check it out…

http://www.mlcsmith.com/humor/cybersex/index.html

http://www.mlcsmith.com/humor/cybersex/cybersex_2.html

http://www.mlcsmith.com/humor/cybersex/cybersex_3.html

http://www.mlcsmith.com/humor/cybersex/cybersex_4.html

if you haven’t realized it’s the same site just different pages… the first and third (the red ones) are the best… give it a chance! Enjoy mothafuckas

Tags: cyber sex, internet, comedy, ass, random.

JESC 2006

Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2006.

For anyone who has even heard of eurovision know that it is painful to watch. Europeans dont get far in the international music industry (Americans kinda dominate it) SO, they make eurovision: European singers battling it out on the stage. Its countries from all over Europe and if you don’t speak a good 36 languages then the show is boring…well, it’s huge (bombastic, may I say) in Europe.

Thanks to tara, i was informed of a JUNIOIR eurovision contest, held last year in Bucharest, Romania (already a bad start). You know how im usually pissed? passionate about the idiot in the universe?…well, I attacked this with calm.

I clicked on ‘history’ on http://www.juniorvision.tv/ (.tv? cmon. That’s worse than org and net) just to see what genius came up with this and I got…

‘It's a time machine!

Oops, you just entered the Junior Eurovision Song Contest time machine! Remember the first ever Junior Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen, in 2003?’

first of all why so excited spunky (dare I say zany)? Second, Im not in a time machine and no I don’t remember Copenhagen 2003. no I don’t. it continues…

‘Did you see Lillehammer 2004 on television, or did you celebrate last year's competition in Hasselt?’

im sorry what? Can you repeat yourself?

'Lillehammer'

MC hammer? Lil’ hammer? Is that a contestant? I let lil’ bow wow pass but lil hammer? No. he will hang with santa. if it’s a city then I don’t want to research it…im afraid it might be located in Luxembourg (Romania last year, Copenhagen before that…the odds are great) and I don’t want to get depressed/angry/start using italics…





Meet pedro from Portugal (note the double use of plosive p, its genius). Hes a contestant. And an infant. I have a problem with pre-pubescent boys singing. Never liked em. Sclub7 kids or whatever…disappeared. Why? Read the end of post ‘im good.’

The genius who created this universal (European) curse? I don’t know. Probably the same motherfu…sorry. Probably the same homo erectus who created jim’s gym or wok on inn…

The universe is what? An idiot. That’s right. And I what? Hate it. Ramsey we need to conquer the world as soon as possible…people need our help.

Oh if you were wondering who the winner was…Former Yugoslav Replublic of Macedonia. First of all, any product of Macedonia is not quality second of all Greece should get over it and give them their name back…that’s a different story tho.

Im gonna go now. Im calm. Lookin forward to next year, maybe we’ll see lil wham (im not putting the exclamation mark)…

‘We’re bringin eighties back. YEP. them mothafuckas don’t know how to act. YEP…’

Tags: europe, kids, ugly, macedonia, mc hammer,bow wow, eurovision, random.

People who sing

One more thing. This has always bothered me, and maybe you will agree (by you I mean, of course, one of our many many readers):

People who can sing think everyone else should be able to sing too, and are offended when they cannot.

Right? I have a lot of friends who can sing, choir and all that, and my sister sings as well. But many of them, many of them, honestly beleive that singing is perfectly natural and that if you are among the 80% of human beings who can't sing, there something wrong with you. The basic conversation goes something like this:

"You have vocal chords dont you? Thats all you need to sing!"
You have legs, can you break dance!? Yeah, I have vocal chords to talk and sometimes make funny noises, but that's about it, chick.

"Singing is natural, everyone sings!"
This one is just a lie. Singing is great, I'm a big fan, but not everyone sings. examples of people who probably don't sing: the president of iran, gahndi (he is dead), the pope, accountants, characters from star wars movies, the list goes on...

"Its not as hard as you think, if you audition I'm sure you can get into the choir!"
Maybe, friend (the italics shows strain), but I do not desire (there is is again) to be a member (veins are popping out of my neck) of the choir. Please leave me alone and stop tugging on my sleeve.

"Ok, just try it!"
Fine! "la la La LA LA!!"

"Wow. That was really off key"
I don't know what that means.

"Oh my God!! How do you not know what key is?!" (as if I'm half a man for not knowing)
A key is something that opens a door. Go home.

They assume shit like arpeggios are common knowlege. Its not right. Back me up on this one, oleg.

Tag: singing, friends, right?, back me up, random

Sleepless ramblings from a newspaper office

First things first. Just in case you didnt beleive oleg about the santa thing, heres proof:

there you go. cartoonographic evidence. serbs dont fuck around.

Ok. So my "vacation" is over. i put it in quotes and italics because its "supposed" to be a real vacation. Standard Christmas, New Year, Eid al-Adha (muslims only) and Armenian Christmas, and we only get a week and a half? 1.5 weeks? come on guys...Between shopping for gifts, hiding them under a plant, staying up at a friends house for fireworks and Micheal Jackson impersonations and killing a sheep, theres no time for the important stuff like...nevermind, i mentioned Micheal Jackson.

Ok. So I'm supposed to have class today at 8:00am, a bitch, I know. So I struggle, having slept ~1 hour, into my clothes and drive to school, only to find the door locked and the class canceled. I love the...what? That's right. Universe. So here I am in the student newspaper office, posting on emptywhiteroom. At least its a noble cause.

Ok. So I want to/will post more often. That's my promise/resolution for 2007. Me/my sister have stockpiled a lot of "Beautiful 3rd World" pictures that need to go up, among other things.

Oleg, we need to see Borat's movie and review it here. He represents the 3rd world, and is almost as king as we are. But not quite. Not quite.

Anything else? No. Thats it I guess. Next time, I might be more awake.

Tags: christmas, newspaper, santa